Rules of the gym

There are a number of unwritten rules for the gym. Most are common sense but it baffles me that people don’t have enough of that common sense and seem to just be content in their little bubble of oblivion that you’re now about as unpopular as Miley Cyrus in a convent.


RULE #1 – Use a towel. You’re sweating and leaving puddles on the equipment. That’s disgusting. Put a towel over it or wipe it up. No one wants to share sweat with you.

RULE #2 – Use Deodorant. Not hard. You stink and you make me feel physically ill. I’d rather spew from too many burpees than spew because you because you smell like garbage.

RULE #3 – Excessive grunting is not ok. Keep it a little quieter.

RULE #4 – No lifting up your top to check you abs after that set of sit ups when you think no one is watching. They are. Check out your progress at home you look like you’re far too into yourself.

RULE #5 – Dress Appropriately. No one likes to see your bum hanging out. Also short shorts on a guy is really not ok. Also, why are you wearing a hat? It’s not sunny inside. If it’s to keep your hair back try a headband instead.

RULE #6 – There is no need to apply a full face of makeup before coming to the gym. You’re here to exercise so you’re supposed to look all hot and bothered not like you’re at a beauty pageant. If you’re makeup and hair is fully intact: get out. You’re not at a night club.

RULE #7 – If you load up the weights put them back. Another one that isn’t hard.

RULE #8 – Don’t be an equipment hog. Monday seems to be international chest day so there will always be a shortage of benches. Share them around for the other people waiting. And don’t start collecting a whole bunch of dumbbells like a squirrel and then not put them back. Other people want to use them too.